


We Have Each Other, That's All We'll Ever Need

by JeenaLight, OceansAlliteration



Series: Alongside Each Other [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Both implied and otherwise, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Highschoolstuck, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Major Trauma, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Nightmares, PTSD, Polyamory, cant forget there will be a fuckton of sadstuck!, more tags incoming as my moirail and I try to parse this out!, sadstuck too, sex lots of sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-13 06:48:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1216612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeenaLight/pseuds/JeenaLight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceansAlliteration/pseuds/OceansAlliteration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Currently under heavy plot repairs and general rewrite for style and issues. Will be back with 200% more snarking at HorrorTerrors, and the lethal phrase "oops".<br/>Still under revision as of February 6, 2015. Chapter 1 is mostly done, and 2 & 3 are planned out. Just need to actually sit down and write them. -JeenaLight</p>
<p>Being Re-Edited as of 05/19/2015 Hope to post soon. Will be very different from current format. Hope to post three chapters together to keep up the word count.-OceansAlliteration</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John ==> Flip Your Shit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JeenaLight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeenaLight/gifts).



Alternately Titled

John ==> Wake Up And Freak the Fuck Out Then Pester Everyone

* * *

 

Ok you are awake and you are DEFINITELY FREAKING OUT. The last thing you remember is seeing the vast hulking monstrosity that was Lord English falling through a rip in the very fabric of reality like some gigantic Weeping Angel from Doctor Who. You had felt such an immense sense of relief and  _freedom_ when the rip had closed behind him supposedly nullifying his existence, then you had seen a flash of light, or what you thought was light, and everything just...stopped. You don't know why, or quite how, or for how long. But you feel quite certain that the universe and all its little cogs had ceased moving for a period of time. Time...maybe Dave could tell you more? He was a time player after all, he would probably know a bit more about what had happened than you. Or maybe Rose? She always had a theory of some kind cooking in her pan. Wow you sound so much like a troll right now, and oh shit you are rambling to yourself and you just CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

You are staring at a room that you have been staying in for the last three years and some odd months while you were trapped in a sadistic mockery of a game. Only this room is nothing like your room. This room has four walls that have been un-edited by game mechanics. Has posters which have not only multiplied, but improved by your estimation. And this room has furniture and accommodations that, while sixteen year old you finds appealing, are definitely NOT YOURS. And it looks very, very, normal. Which makes it even weirder! Man you really need to check up on your friends! Someone has to know whats going on!

A ping from your computer draws your attention so you get up out of bed and plop down in your new/old computer chair. The message displayed on your screen says that you are being pestered by "groupChat [GC]" which makes about as much sense as your room right now. Shrugging you just decide to open the chat window and see what this is all about.

 

tipsyGnostalgic[TG]  beganS pestering groupChat [GC] at 9:16 am EST [Eastern Standard Time]

TG: hey all you peple  
TG: *people  
TG: i set up a thing so we can all talk togetha!  
TG: p cool huh? *wonk*

ghostlyTrickster[GT] began pestering groupChat [GC] at 6:21 am NAST [North Atlantic Standard Time]

GT: um... i kind of have no idea what is going on...or what to think right now.  
TG: don worry dude soon as the others get here imma explain all u a thing :3  
GT: ok i guess...

turntechGodhead[TG2] began pestering groupChat [GC] at 8:25 am CST [Central Standard Time]

TG2: sup egderp older lalonde  
TG: lol hey young-ish strider!

tentacleTherapist[TT] began pestering groupChat [GC] at 9:30 am EST [Eastern Standard Time]

TT: This is quite convenient Roxy. Thank you for putting it together so fast.  
TG: wow omg no probs! it was actually kinda fun tbh.   
GT: yeah its pretty cool! i didnt think that pesterchum could be used like this. shows what i know :P

gardenGnostic[GG] began pestering groupChat [GC] at -:-- UTZ [Unknown Time Zone]

GG: hey guys! wow i am so glad to see all of you here!  
GG: i was kinda worried when me and jake woke up together on the island alone.  
GT: jade! oh man im glad to see you too. you and jake woke up on hellmurder island together?  
GG: yep. in different wings of the house. and our towers are gone!  
GT: what really?!?!

golgothasTerror[GT2] began pestering groupChat [GC] at -:-- UTZ [Unknown Time Zone]

GT2: They are missing from our houses structure alright.  
GT: man that is weird!  
GT2: Extreamly. Say Roxy, how does this work exactly? I must say I am quite intrigued!  
TG: a tru hacker nevr revels her secrets!  
TG: *never

gutsyGumshoe[GG2] began pestering groupChat [GC] at 6:34 am NAST [North Atlantic Standard Time]

GG2: Hello everyone, or everyone who is here at least. :B

timaeusTestified[TT2] began pestering groupChat [GC] at 8:42 am CST [Central Standard Time]

TT2: Sup.  
TG: ok so every body here?  
TT2: Looks like.  
TG: great!! so as the lil cutie in dark blue and teh rest of u who scrolled up already knwos  
TG: *knows  
TG: i hav made dis chat room so we can all talk togetha!  
TG: and u all should thank me cuz this took a lot of work  
TG: specially since it was a rush job  
GG2: I thinks its great Roxy! Absolutely lovely.  
TG: thanks janey! :33  
TT2: So now that we have all gathered let us commence with the dishing of gossip.  
TT2: We will reach slumber party levels of gossip up in here.  
TT2: By the time we are through we will know exactly how much force it takes to knock Jenny off her feet with a pillow.  
TT2: Exactly how much processed sugar we can consume before we pass out.  
TT2: And just exactly who the cutest boy in school is.  
TT: Dirk. Stop. As much as we appreciate your special brand of "ironic" rambling, we have some important matters to discuss.  
TT2: Sorry.  
TT: It's fine Dirk. Now that we are all present I believe that it would be prudent to disclose each of our individual situations.  
TG: yeppers :3 we all gonna tell what is goin on and where we are and what we know and 'member and stuff!  
TT2: Getting a little southern there Rox.  
TG: shut up di-stri its cool!  
TT2: If you say so.  
TT: If you two are done? I'd like to recount my experiences up to this point.  
TG: ...  
TT2: ...  
TT: Alright, I awoke in what appeared to be my home, in a room very similar to the one that I had before my three year interlude on the meteor.  
TT: But this room has changed a good deal from what I recall of my personal quarters. Things have moved, books have disappeared and new ones have taken their places.  
TT: My room seems to be in the same locations but there is a door across the hall from mine that I have never seen before.  
TG: dat's mine rosey  
TG: we r roomies now!  
TT: Lovely. Has anyone else experienced something similar?  
GT: yeah, i woke up in a room that looks like mine but really different. so weird...  
GT: but i dont think there are any new rooms in my house  
GG2: I can report the same, actually. Different bedroom, no new rooms, but everything still feels familiar!  
GT: aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! jane look outside right now!  
GG2: What? Why?  
GT: just do it!  
GG2: Oh my goodness...  
GG2: This is very unsettling.  
TT: What is going on?  
GG2: John's and my houses are sitting across from each other as practically MIRROR IMAGES of each other.  
GT: this is freaking me out!  
TG2: everybody calm the fuck down ok  
TG2: so egderp and crocker have mirror houses  
TG2: the lalondes have adjourning rooms  
TG2: harley and english are back on hellmurder island in a mansion with no towers  
GT2: Indeed.  
GG: yep.  
TT2: And baby Bro and me have apartments right across the hall from each other.  
TT: It would seem the game saw fit to deposit all of us with our most direct family members, and in the locations we inhabited before our games began.  
TG: yeh i gotta give teh game kudos ther cuz i get to room w/ mah sis roesy!  
TT: Yay. I simply cannot wait to see what kind of passive agressive snarking sessions we shall have together my dear sister.  
TG: luv ya 2 rosey!  
GT: ok so i think im done freaking out now. but why did the game make our houses mirrors? and why did it change our rooms???  
TG: i think its cuz it wanted to give us teh stuff we r supposed to want as ternager s  
TG: *teenagers oops  
GG2: Well I must say that I do like my new accommodations  
GT: so whats your room look like jane?  
GG2: It is quite nice, some framed posters of my favorite movies, a few portraits in water color that I personally find appealing, my bed is a sight bigger and my wardrobe is filled to capacity with clothes.  
GT: wow sounds like my room, but neater!  
GG2: Hoohoo :B   
GG2: What do your rooms look like Jake and Jade?  
GG: it is really cool! all my plants are back and seem to be growing even better than they were when i entered the game! and my wardrobeifier is stocked with new outfits.   
GG: not to mention all the cute new plushies piled up in the corner and some interesting looking projects that i guess i have been working on?  
GT2: Mine looks much cleaner than it previously had, that's for sure! And much like my new house-mate I seem to have been working on some projects! All my posters have frames now and they practically cover the walls!   
GT2: I have a few adjourning rooms as well but I've yet to explore those as this message board was far more important!  
GT2: But seeing as I haven't much to add to it I might as well go and see what new acomodations I have procured! Tally-Ho!  
TG: jaek wait!!!  
TG: *jake 

golgothasTerror[GT2] is now an idle chum!

TG: gog dammit! cna u try 2 get him back online puppy-jade??   
GG: sure i can try!

gardenGnostic[GG] is now an idle chum!

TG2: well that went over well  
TG2: out of curiosity what exactly did you want to tell us mama lalonde  
TG: wait 4 it lil strider bro! we all ned 2 b here 4 dis  
TG: *need  
TG: bcuz it is SUPRE IMPROTANT  
TG: ugh *SUPER IMPORTANT  
TG2: ok fine i guess we all wait here twiddling our thumbs until the gun-toting wonder twins get back online  
TT: Not necessarily. We could each expound on what we recall from our last moments in the game?  
TT2: Yeah sure ok. So I was behind LE and hitting him with every Fray-Motif I had, just wailing on him with my mad heart powers and trying to destroy him inside and out with his own twisted emotions.  
TT2: Then I think the girls plan started to work because suddenly I felt this huge wave of Despair and Anger wash through LE before he fucking DROPPED through reality.  
TT2: After that all I remember is a bright flash of something like light, but not really like it, and then nothing until I woke up in bed back in my mockery of an apartment.  
TT: I was attacking from every angle I could manage, hoping to find an exploitable week point, and I think I found one that did moderate damage to LE so I began to focus my energies on that spot while keeping an eye on the rest of our party.   
TT: Jade I noticed was working with Aradia, Dave, Kanaya, and our ace in the hole Calliope's ghost. I had no idea what they were planning but it had to be something big.  
TG2: it was yo  
TG2: fucking huge shit was going down and you had no clue  
TG2: that was a question btw  
TT: I was more intent on exploiting a percieved chink in the armor of our enemy than with what you five were trying to do.  
TT: What did you do anyway?  
TG2: we ripped a hole in space time  
TG: yep they did  
TG: i felt the void in teh spaces call at meh when tehy got it open  
TG: *they  
TG: lemme tell u it was scary as fuck  
TG2: sorry mama lalonde but it was the only way to kill the evil thing  
TG2: only instead of making it eat its own heads we knocked it back through a mobile rip in the fabric of reality and sent him to end game  
TG2: id say its still a better ending  
GT: nope! the ending of that movie was so much better than your stupid timey-spacy tear thing!  
TG2: it was not  
GT: was too  
TG2: was fucking not  
GT: it was fucking too!  
TG2: nope egbert it was not  
TG2: i am revoking your cool kid status and returning you to derpdom with the rest of the derps  
TG2: begone for you are banished  
GT: whatever dude im still waaaaaaaay cooler than you!  
TG2: bro why are you still typing with 8 letters   
TG2: it looks so dumb  
GT: it does not! and i dont have to explain my 8 typing to you!  
TG: yo little strider and cutie in blue stahp teh ramblin fo a sec and let this party get back on de tracks!  
TG2: ...  
GT: ...  
GG2: I think its my turn now?  
TT: Go ahead Ms. Crocker, I yield the floor to you.  
GG2: Alright, thank you I suppose Ms. Lalonde. Ok, well, after I broke free of my mind control I came straight to all of you as you know.   
GG2: And I would like to extend my belated thanks to all of you for believing in me after such a...scandal.  
TT2: No problem Crock-pot. We know you and we know what you are capable of, and betraying all of us is just not on that list.  
GG2: Thank you.  
GG2: Anyway, you had assigned me the task of healer in the battle hoping to keep everyone un-injured enough to continue fighting.  
GG2: And I did my best to keep everyone in fighting condition! But a few of you slipped through the cracks and I over exerted myself a little trying to get you back.  
GG2: I nearly died myself in the middle when I was too tired to move and left myself vulnerable.  
TG: das when i came in an grebbed u janey!  
TG: *grabbed  
GG2: Yes, I remember. Roxy saved me and gave me a safe place to rest a little.   
GG2: After I recuperated I tried to continue with my duties, and I was in the middle of healing a grievous wound on Karkat when I felt the tear's energy run through me, it felt like LE was dying and the force of it was so much that I could feel it even without my powers focused on him! I felt the shock of it go through all of you too, as tight as I was gripping your life lines with my "Sleuth-Sensor" and "Grief-Grabber" Fray-Motifs.  
GG2: Then the light-ish thing hit me and I can't remember anything except a stillness like the universe was stopped before I woke up in bed.  
TG: i think i kno wat the thing with the light was kinda...  
TG2: so what was it mama lalonde  
TG: i wanna wait fo teh guntotin wonda twins to come beck first  
TG: *back  
TG2: fair enough  
TG2: ...  
GT: who wants to know what i was doing?!  
TG: oh me me! if only to crawl out from unda teh scrutiny of the lil strider bro   
GT: ok so i was flying around like rose was trying to hit a week spot on LE and i THINK i found one.  
GT: only it was like right on his heel. and it was really hard to hit most of the time because he kept moving!  
GT: and i think i got hit a few times which probably means jane had to heal me and get me back up so i could hit him again  
GG2: I did indeed heal you several times John.  
GT: cool thanks jane! so anyway, im hitting him again and again in that one spot and all of a sudden his feet fall out from under him and hes going DOWN into that reality-tear-thingy and gog i was so HAPPY!  
GT: and then that weird flashy light thing happened and i felt like the universe stopped and then i woke up in bed.

golgothasTerror[GT2] is no longer an idle chum!

gardenGnostic[GG] is no longer an idle chum!

GT2: Well it looks like we missed a bloody awful lot! I feel like a billy-no-mates.  
TT2: He's pouting isn't he GTWT number two?  
TT: ...  
TG: ...  
GT: ...  
GG2: ...  
TG2: ...  
GG: ...what?  
TT2: GTWT Gun Toting Wonder Twin  
GG: pfffffffft hahahahahahahahaha! XD wow! just wow! that is the best thing i have heard all morning! pffffffffthahaha!  
TT2: Well is he?  
GG: heh heh. who? um...who are you talking about?  
TT2: Jake, hes pouting isn't he?  
GG: yep its is pout city over here!  
TT2: Tell him that Senpai noticed him.   
GG: um...why??  
TT2: Just trust me, it'll cheer him up immediately.  
GT2: It will not you areshole!   
TT2: Hey what do you know? It worked.  
GT2: Bollocks.   
TG: well now dat we all here  
TG: i got something so explain to all of u  
TT2: What things?  
TG: no mor interupting! nop stop typing the things u typing and listen!  
TG: ok so p much everybody here felt the universe kinda stop  
TG: and it kinda did for a lil while  
TG: whne teh time and space players made teh rip they kinda broke the multiveres or whatevs grasp on the void and the univeres in genreal  
TG: imma void player so i was imune to the stop because i am kinda used to the void and its workins  
TG: i SAW wut happened and it was fuckin scary  
TG: i watched the eldest gods dat exist in the true void and witnessed them making a new universe from broken fragments of five old ones  
TG: i even offered a few suggestions here and ther  
TG: so basically we now liv in a verse that is part of both our sessions teh trolls sessions and unforch the cherubs too  
TG: dat means thet we might meet the trolls agani becuz they are p far away but still in our verse  
TG: de cherubs idek if we can meet dem again  
TG: and frankly i don wanna kno  
TG: so thats how it is  
TG: if u got any questoins u best ask em now  
TT: ...  
GT: ...  
GT2: ...  
TT2: ...  
TG2: ...  
GG2: ...  
GG: ...  
TG: ok den, i feel lik we all need a few 2 process wut i just laid down 4 u  
TG: so imma leave this open but ban every1 from respondin and ill ping u again when we need 2 talk  
TG: cool? cool  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned ghostlyTrickster[GT] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned turntechGodhead[TG2] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned gardenGnostic[GG] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned tentacleTherapist[TT] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned gutsyGumshoe[GG2] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned timaeusTestified[TT2] from responding to groupChat[GC]  
tipsyGnostalgic[TG] banned golgothasTerror[GT2] from responding to groupChat[GC]


	2. Rose ==> Be Confused (A Lot)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has a very wordy and involved chapter with few to no pesterlogs (thank gog my brain cannot take that much html formatting) and then proceeds to flip her shit off the wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter is not done yet but im feeling burned out and i feel like i owe the few wonderful people who let kudos on my little fic something after almost a week (more than a week?) of nothing. so heres the first part of Roses Chapter!

Alternately Titled

Rose ==> Keep Your Shits Un-flipped Then Have an Unexpected Meeting and Flip Them Anyway

* * *

 

 

Ok you are very confused. The conversation that you just participated in was not only a clusterfuck of epic proportions, but also very, very, VERY intriguing. Your friend’s eccentricities and quirks put aside for a moment, you scroll back through the log. They all seemed to be in a state similar to your own.

A more analytical look at their reactions and revelations might reveal that humor and playful banter is only a cover for their extreme discomfort and various psychoses interfering with their logic and rational thinking capabilities. But you yourself are just as discomfited as them, and that makes you less inclined to pick apart their brains and more inclined to delude yourself into thinking that they are _perfectly_ okay and you are as well.

Your general rationality and sense of calm, however, is slowly being pushed aside by a kind of cloying, dark, panic that you had hoped to never feel again. And so an executive decision is made. You decide to ignore the panic and go downstairs to see how your abode had changed. Nodding to yourself slightly in affirmation of your choice, you sagely get off of your bed and head for the lavender tinted door.

Your room, which is a matured version of your personal space before the game began, no longer seems like the sanctuary it had once been. It does not feel like it is yours anymore. Hopefully the same will not hold true for the rest of the house. Your mother had never redecorated the house in your living memory, which had been a bearded, magic-centric, comfort to you while growing up. Wizards and bronze plated vacuums were always a part of your dual dynamic. You can only pray that some things are a universal constant and that the game has respected that.

As you descend the stairs (so far nothing strikes you as different) you take stock of the living space that emerges into your vision. It all looks very much the same. This fact makes you wholly more confident as you fully enter the combination living room, kitchen, and library space. There is Zazzerpan the Learned a faithful constant and sight for sore eyes. Your eyes in point of fact. Because after a game filled with horror terrors, undefeatable gods, and constant bloody death, your eyes are _very_ sore. A smile graces your lips at that Egbertian line of reasoning and the thoughts of your friend that follow in that reasoning’s footsteps.

Looking to the left of the stairs shows you the kitchen with its passive-aggressive fridge battle still intact, the bottles of liquor having multiplied slightly being of little consequence to you, and the bronzed vacuum cleaner on its pedestal where it has always been. The couch has gained a new occupant, obviously what your new Post-Scratch housemate could have prototyped her sprite with had she the presence of mind, a reversal of sorts of your cephalopod-esque princess doll, this one instead bearing the visage of a wizard with the head of a fluffy pink and obviously magical kitten. It is of a similar passive-aggressive nature to your own modified doll, and it inspires a strange sense of pride in you. She really is like family to you. Admittedly very attractive and flirty family, but family nonetheless!

Shaking thoughts out of your head that might be deemed highly inappropriate by any member of this new world’s polite society you look toward the library area of the space. Save for the inclusion of a computer filled work table this section is un-altered much the same as other places in your house. You suppose that this section belongs to your house mate as well as you have never had any interest in computers aside from their affiliation and facilitation of communication with your friends. Roxy, however, has expressed interest in coding and computers on a number of occasions. And it would make sense that she had an area in her home, before her session of the game began, set aside for her interest in machines and programing.

Nodding at your impeccable reasoning skills and feeling far more in control of your mental faculties after seeing a space with which you are familiar you set your sites to the kitchen. Hunger is a foreign feeling to you after so many months of god-hood. You had no need to eat when you were God Tier, your conditional immortality rendering such mortal necessities trivial, and allowing you the option to neither eat nor sleep unless you desired to at the time. You had foregone food and rest for the majority of the last few months of the game seeing such distractions as liabilities that would cost you valuable concentration.

Now though, your stomach is crying out for nourishment, and you will see it sated so as to move on to other crises. Opening the fridge you pull out the supplies needed for a sandwich and start putting it together. The first bite sits like stone in your stomach but you continue eating anyway. You need the nutrition if nothing else, but the food holds little appeal aside from assuaging your hunger. After a few bites you feel mercifully full and you are glad to stop eating. You hastily put the sandwich down and begin cleaning up the mess.

As you finish cleaning up you feel a presence behind you. Turning, expecting to see Roxy behind you begging for food, you are instead astounded to see your Mom. All you can do is stare at her. She looks exactly the same as the day you began the game. Hair curled in that strange way she always had, lips just as dark with lipstick as your own, slim form accentuated by a white button-down dress and belt high on her waist. She looks the same! Your shock must be evident in your expression because she gives you a strange look, concern you realize as you stare into her pink eyes.

“Rose?” she asks, her voice trembling slightly. She is just as shocked as you.

You swallow hard, and manage to choke out, “Hi…Mom.”

Then you are hugging. Wow that is a thing that is happening, and crying is also a thing happening right at this moment. You are both sobbing tears of joy and tears of sorrow as you cling to each other desperately. She is petting your hair slowly and crooning soft words of comfort, she’s here, she will keep you safe from the nightmares, the panic that grips you when you only want to run. She is here! You cling to her skirts like you did when you were little, sobbing in great wracking waves while you choke out soft noises that are definitely not pleas for her to stay. She assures you she will be here as long as you need her.

After a long time simply standing in the kitchen and crying together you lift your head and give a strangled chuckle at your foolish sentimentality. She laughs with you and you each give a small smile because this is not something that you two have ever done. You both move to the couch not taken up by passive-aggressive monuments to fine doll craftsmen and each pull tissues from your respective sylladexes. Apparently the game had stocked you with what you would need for dramatic reunions of the teary kind. That or Roxy had put them there. As she did say she gave a few suggestions to the Eldest Gods in the void during the creation of this patchwork universe, the thought that she had placed a few extra things in certain individual’s sylladexes wasn’t that far-fetched. After a quick segue-way to re-apply makeup and collect all the flipped shits you two left lying around after your little cry-fest you both set to talking about things like the rational adults you both are. Well kind of, you are still technically under age in this plane of reality. However, age is rarely a good measure for ability or maturity. And you have lived through far more that many will ever know.

“So Rose,” your mom starts, “how was your day?” The question is so urbane and normal after the hell you both have lived through that it makes you laugh all over again, big guffaws of hilarity bursting through you, and distantly you hear your Mom snort. Once your mirth has subsided you decide to get down to business.

“What happened to you? Once the game started you just…disappeared.” The hurt is evident in your voice as you stare at her.

“I had to leave you to your playing Rose, it was my job to make sure certain things happened when they needed to. Some things needed to be stopped to keep you alive, others needed to happen at appropriate times to make sure your Denizen awoke and slept when it was meant to, and still others to make sure that my part in the game was completed.” The guilty look in her eyes tells you that she knew what would happen to her. It makes you angry to know that she expected to die while playing the game with you.

“You didn’t say goodbye.” It is much softer leaving your lips than you want it to be. You feel like shouting at her and making her apologize for what she put you through. Before you can start though she stops you with a hand on your shoulder.

“Rose I couldn’t! I’ve never been great with goodbyes but I could. Not. Say. Goodbye. To you. It would have killed me to leave you when you knew you would never see me again alive!”

“So it was better to let me find you DEAD?!” wow you are really shouting now. Your voice had risen steadily as you spoke until you were screaming the last word, the sound echoing in the open air above you.

“Yes, it was. If you hadn’t found me that way you would never have gained God Tier and you _needed to_ too beat that sadistic game. If you knew what was going to happen before you became the Seer you would have tried to stop me. And it would have worked.” Her eyes bore into yours begging you to understand. Your rage cools as quickly as it had come. The anger leaving you seems to ease her somewhat. The tense set of her shoulders hadn’t been noticeable until she allowed it to drain away.

“You could have warned me, you could have given me some sign of what would come! I would have understood.” You are sniffling again with tears fresh in your eyes and mascara beginning to run once again.

“I’m sorry Rose, but you wouldn’t have understood. You were always so smart, full of questions that needed answering. You’d go to any lengths to find them. You would have known before your time.” The sad smile she gives as she pulls you closer is heartbreaking, aching in torment and longing. She had wanted to tell you everything you realize. From the start she had wanted to give you the cheat codes to the game, the map to guide you through. But she didn’t because you _had_ to play the game on your own terms.

For the rest of the night you two talk together about the game. You share things that both of you had kept hidden before and things you had never said but should have. She tells you about your origin in more detail than what you had gotten from John, about her affection for a mister Egbert who had been there when she was moving across country to keep both of you safe, how she knew about the game after research and careful digging through government archives, and how she orchestrated certain aspects of the game itself. You tell her about how the game began and what you had done, destruction, terror, death, darkness, it all pours out of you like water as she listens. The nightmares that follow in the wake of memories are brushed away by kind hands and soft words, her presence ore a comfort than she will ever know. The two of you might go back to your passive-aggressive battle tomorrow morning, whether to give a measure of normality, or to show mutual affection in a non-emotional and far to real way, you don’t care. She’s here, you’re both alive, and when you both curl up together in her room that night you sigh because you feel safe. For the first time in three years and change you feel secure and loved. She holds you like she did when you had nightmares as a child. And you cling to her, desperate for the unconditional strength and love she has always given you. It makes you sad to think that you ever let her go, that you pushed her away with strife and insults. She has always cared for you, and in her own way she has always taken care of you. Pushing away thoughts that would incite panic attacks you sink deeper into the mattress. You hug your Mom, allowing yourself a few long moments of absolute comfort once more.

“Shh, Rose, got too sleep. I promise I’ll be here in the morning.”

 She pets your hair again as you hold her tight, like you will never let her go.

And you won’t let her go, not again, not ever.


	3. Roxy ==> Get Into a Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy's Mom makes an appearence and there is Strife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally DONE!!!! Next up are the Striders, and I also have another fic which I should be getting to soon as it is my OTP and I REALLY want it out of my head!

Roxy == > Be Very Tired

Alternately Titled

Roxy == > Try to Avoid Entirely Foreseeable Conflict and Then Find the Mom - Be the Conflict

You tiredly push the computer chair in your new, and kinda not so new, room away from your desk. You, unlike your cohorts, did not get to blissfully sleep for several hours after **_GAME RESET_**.And that means that you are not in the best of moods. You honestly can’t remember the last time you were this sober or this exhausted. Or this fucking hungry! The culmination of the last several hour’s activities – being awake to take care of serious business when you just wanted to sleep, the sheer skirt-shitting terror of dealing with infinitely old and powerful eldritch gods to get the new universe you desired and knew you needed, and the strain of coding a memo/chat hybrid program in an unfamiliar (and _way_ outdated) version of Pesterchum while sober, hung-over, and slightly ticked off -- is fast coming to a head in your sixteen year old body.

Needless to say you DO NOT want to deal with any new emotional or physical issues just now. With lethargic motions you reach over and shut down your computer for now. Later, once you’ve slept a while, you’ll turn it back on and invite the rest of your friends to the GroupChat again. Then you can answer questions in a more practical manner and get stupid shit outta the way. You probably weren’t as coherent as you could have been, in fact later looking over the whole thing would make you very embarrassed for yourself and pretty sorry for the poor saps who had to decipher it. But for now all you wanted was to sleep.

You get up from your chair perhaps a bit too quickly for your tired and frankly, disoriented, body. You know that you got up too quickly when you go crashing down to your floor and plunge face first into your bookshelf, which incidentally does not contain a single book. Pain explodes across your face right next to your eye, you taste the copper and salt of fresh blood on your lips, and your head feels like it is about to come right off your shoulders you are so light headed. Somehow none of this really phases you though, your life just seems intent on fucking you over right now. Cursing like the sailor you probably were in a past life you pull your pathetic, too tall, body up.

“God dammit! Tha’ hurt like a sunnofabitch!” You feel the bridge of your nose gingerly to ensure it isn’t broken. Thankfully it’s not, though a long strip of skin from your split lip to your hair line feels

Rumbling from your guts say that a snack might prove a better avenue, but you find that you honestly don’t give a crap. Food can wait, sleep is tippy top priority for now. This in mind you pull your achy carcass suspiciously tender and a little raised. No doubt you’ll have a nice bruise after your nap. up from the floor and pick your way through your mess of a room to your bed.

Crawling into the pile of blankets, plush kittens, and some scattered computer parts you pull a pillow to you and hug it close pretending that its Jane, or Jake, or Dirk, or even John in turns until you finally feel close enough to your friends to sleep. Even if they're a million miles away, right now they are next to you, holding you close like you know they would.   

* * *

 

Several hours later you wake up to a presence in your room that shouldn’t have been there. After years of being on high alert for Drones, Rogue Dersite Agents, and even the Batterwitch herself you are an incredibly light sleeper. You roll off the bed in the opposite direction from the person/thing in your room and your rifle is in your hands in record time. You take aim at the shadows by the foot of your bed, and then start when the shadows resolve themselves into the form of…your Mom. You lower the rifle, but only by a few inches, this could be a trick, a trap, or one of your Mom’s “Training Exercises,” therefore you don’t lower your weapon.

“Hi Roxy,” she says in her soft, dry, voice. That voice has always seemed to you, to be as thin as the paper of the books she writes and just as vast. There is wisdom, and deception, in that voice to be sure.

“Hi Mom,” a simple greeting deserves a simple retort, she taught you that much. Never give anything away that you cant afford to lose, and never give an opponent in wit the upper hand.

Then she does something that is totally unexpected, especially for her, she opens her arms and beckons you forward. She wants a _hug_ after the hell you lived in, the hell you lived **through** she wants a fucking hug. Something inside you snaps as you throw you weapon to the side and tackle her off the bed. Taken aback she has no time to brace for your next move. You slap her right on her smug, child neglecting, passive aggressive face. The next blow you try to bring down on her she catches, then the next and the next. You are trying to pummel her goddammit!!! And she is just laying there deflecting your blows like this is normal for you (it kind of is, but you aren’t going to go into that just now.)

Eventually your arms get tired and your rage cools somewhat, still burning below the surface, but lessened by physical exertion. You sit back and get off of her. Laying down beside her on your bedroom floor amongst plushies, old game consoles, and half-finished scarves. Your breath comes in great heaves, pants leaving you on each exhale. And thorough this entire episode she hasn’t said a thing to you. Not a thing. Turning your head to look at her, thoughts cascade down your mind, possibilities to explain her behavior, the look that has sat on her face since she first spoke. Anger? Too easy and the facial expression is wrong too. Pain? You didn’t hit that hard (or that well, which could mean its disappointment but that seems too farfetched).

Then it hits you with the force of a shot of Vodka on an empty stomach. Shes feeling Guilty. Though the reason why escapes you.

“What the durp-nurple is going on? Why are you here? And why the hell were you watching me sleep you creeper?” Your tone is jovial but the look on your face reveals that you are anything but. You still seethe as she sits up next to you and turns to face you with her legs crossed underneath her, the picture of sophistication and poise.

It irks you that she can do that so easily, just wall herself off from others with a flick of a wrist, a tuck of her hair, or a flash of leg then covered by her skirt. She always did this, especially around you.

“Stop it ok?” She looks at you with confusion, and you despise that you cant tell if its real or fake. “Stop pretending that you cared if I was alive or dead or even capable of taking care of myself when you _left_ me alone! Mothers who care don’t leave kids alone! You have no FUCKING RIGHT TO SIT THERE AND LOOK GUILTY!” You are shouting now, you had raised your voice alongside your body until you were shouting and standing over her sitting form.

She blinks at you, there on the floor prim and proper and far to perfect to be real and here.  For a scant minute the carefully gathered layers that hide her from you and the rest of existence fall away and you can see her as she really is. She is a tired, scared, and scarred little girl who was given too much responsibility far too soon. A writer who tried to inspire only to have her readers die early, a Mom who had no clue how to raise a child, who had no escape from a duty she did not ask for or want, who only ever dreamed of raising you well. She is worn down, old, and wilted. Even the emotions that play on her face, turned down in sadness, bright with anger, and glowing with an odd contentedness, are faded and grey like the sky outside when winter comes early in the year. She projects in that scarce minute of complete honesty an overall feeling of muttledness. Wool thread unraveling bit by bit until it is nothing but a pile of fibers and sweet decay. Then the walls she erected around herself shore themselves back up again, sliding up and showing you a face as emotionless as a porcelain dolls.

You slouch down in pity for her, this poor woman you see before you who has never had fortune on her side, a beautiful irony in and of itself. And in finally seeing your Mom’s true feelings and her real self you decide to become stronger. You start to pick up the little pieces of wool and braid them back together, metaphorically and also literally. That unraveled bit of thread in the half done scarf next to you has been driving you _crazy_ for ages!

Watching your fingers start working, nimble and sure, she speaks up,

“So, tell me how I’m alive?” you don’t look up preferring to simply keep braiding the yarn. This bit is really quite long and should take you a decent ten minute to finish if you work hard.

“I reset everything, the True Gods of All must have included you in everything, because I know I sure as mossy balls didn’t.”

Brushing aside your turn of phrase she says, “Yes I thought that was a given, otherwise I would not be speaking you Roxane…”

“That’s not my name and you know it Mom.”

“…What I meant was why didn’t you tell the Gods to leave me dead. Explicitly?”

“Because it didn’t cross my mind while I was partying with them?” You are only half joking, and neither of you are sure which half of your statement was the joke.

“Ah yes, the Dead Universe party, I might have been to one of those before. Tell me how was the Milky Way Dip?”

“As divine as the Eldest Gods huge scary asses.”

“And the Seven Layer Apocalyptic Cake?”

“It was Da Bomb, all full of missiles and hydrogen and shit. Real spectacular!”

This dialogue is soothing somehow. It reminds you of how you and Rose banter when you’re alone. And she _is_ the post scratch iteration of your friend so that kinda makes sense. Only not really because your Mom never joked, like, ever.

This conversation continues for a while, witty banter hiding feelings but at the same time leaving them wide open for all eyes to see. The joking hides apology and remorse, the chill smiles hide happy reunion and hope for a better future and light. She knows you are still mad, and you know she is still upset and knows she was in the wrong, but neither of you are going to actually say it, because ew feelings. You end up curled together like a pair of fine ass cats in your bed/nest with knitting, cats, and a few miscellaneous books as your relationships Quest Bed. It will Ascend and be reborn as the swankest most awesome thing ever…just not right now. You both need some time to just let things be and gather yourselves for the next bout of parent/child snarking and feelings jamming.

Before you drift off you feel her fingers playing in your hair messing with the one curl on the side which refuses to cooperate and always sticks up. It makes you smile as you drift away into the dark, the void of sleep calling you as much as any void ever has. You dream of black void and the smell of paper.


End file.
